Death and writing time.

So yesterday I found out from Joan, that Julie B died last week. I have been hit really hard by it. I never expected, it maybe I feel bad because I hadn't talked to her in a long time. I let the money thing get between us. Not that I feel like I owe her. Maybe I do feel that way. Now on to my writing. I have been stuck quite a bit. Mostly because as Hrafn put it I keep looking at the forest, and not writing about the trees. If I work on the trees then the forest will come. So I need to write the trees. A story about each of the kids at least. Although I think there are more than that in the data. I made the survey for the parents. I think it is fine, so I am going to send out the emails. I really want to be done with the paper, so I can do something I am more interested in, like teaching and writing for real. I don't want to be an academic, it is too lame, the games people play. They are so disconnected from the real world. People like D.Ch. who fly into a country tell them what they need to do to fix their ed system based on a month long observation, inaccurate statistics, interviews with people in the system who have stakes in it. And we can't even create an equal and strong education system for our own students and we think we can make recommendations on how other countries should improve education. This is of course one of my long standing objections to my academic department. But I am realizing that this is more true across the U. I don't think that there are many intellectuals to be found in the academy. Most people are too concerned with their own small field of research and not much else. Another thing is that I don't feel like I have accomplished anything beside raising Tay. I want to write articles, but I don't trust myself enough to get out there. I feel tired all the time. And nothing seems to help all the time. I don't feel like it is my allergies or that it is my depression, but it could be. I haven't like anything I have written either. It feels all old and tired, like everything has been said. Oh ho, this is depression. I need to get more physical activity and the sun lamp going, it is keeping me from working on my writing.